A Different Kind Of Love
by greengirl16
Summary: We had Natalie too...and I know she knows, I couldn't hold her in the hospital, I couldn't let myself hold her."


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So I was listening to Catch Me I'm Falling and it just kind of hit me how distant Diana really was to Natalie, even from when she was born. I was reading up on the characters and it said on twitter or some other fansite…I cannot remember that it's probably because she had lost a son and she was afraid of hurting her daughter and I hadn't really thought of it in that light before which led to the inspiration of this story. I was reading up on the name meanings as well and I realized there's the Christmas story going on in their children's names. Gabriel and Natalie both have to do with angel's and Christmas time. I just found that interesting :P Haha Anyways… enough rambling :P I hope you enjoy! As Always -Greengirl16

**Disclaimer: I unfortunately don't own Next to Normal…**

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Diana screamed out in desperation and agony. Why was this happening to her? She cried, gritting her teeth. She lay in the hospital in a tiny white room on a bed. The thin sheets were folded back and she was wearing a dress that felt like paper.

"You have to push." The doctor commanded.

She shook her head. She didn't want a child. She was still so young she couldn't raise it. She felt someone tightly squeeze her hand and she remembered vaguely her husband had been at her side the entire time. Sweat beaded on her forehead, her head was slightly spinning from the drugs they had administered to her and it wasn't even helping the pain.

"Diana, you can do this." Dan coaxed.

"I don't want to." Diana stated, as if she had a choice.

"You have to. Just think, our own child. We can raise it and lead a happy normal life as a family together."

Diana continued to shake her head no.

"She needs to push." The doctor informed Dan. "The baby needs to come out, now."

"Diana…" Dan whispered in a pleading voice.

Diana let out another shriek and then collapsed back onto the hospital bed. Dan's hand was white from her hand squeezing it so tightly, he didn't mind though.

A soft cry filled the room and Diana started to weep. The baby was wrapped cleaned off and wrapped in a blanket.

"It's a girl." The doctor said, smiling. They let Dan cut the umbilical cord, he looked loopy he was smiling so much, but Diana face remained expressionless.

"Diana, look! Isn't she adorable?" The doctor was holding the baby in her arms and Dan was standing a bit too close to the doctor. His gaze not leaving the baby for more than a second.

Diana closed her eyes and kept them closed, not wanting to face her newborn child that was being held in front of her.

"Diana? Are you okay?" Dan asked concerned. "Don't you want to hold her?"

Diana froze. She had forgotten. She was supposed to hold her newborn child. She couldn't. Something might happen, what if she killed her. "Dan I can't hold her." Diana choked.

"Diana, it's alright. Just be gentle."

One would have thought that this was Diana's first child, but it wasn't. She had a son as well. He was almost three years old now.

"No, Dan, I can't do it."

Dan's smile disappeared, now his face wore a weary expression. He nodded sullenly and the doctor handed the baby to the nurse who whisked her away.

Dan watched the door shut and then walked to the edge of the hospital bed and sat down. "What's wrong, Diana?"

"I mi-might…" Diana stammered. "What if I hurt her?"

"We know more now, Diana." Dan tried to comfort her.

Diana shut her eyes, looking worn out. There was a long pause before Dan spoke up. "I was researching baby names a lot at work recently, and the name Natalie really jumped out at me. It means Christ's birthday. I know it's December 27th, but it's close enough and it's such a beautiful name, isn't it?"

Diana just nodded, her eyes still closed.

"Di, you just gave birth to a new child, we're being given a second chance, you should be a bit happier."

"I am." Diana said monotonously.

Dan rose his eye brows skeptically.

He was going to push the subject further, but he noticed how exhausted Diana looked and decided he'd let it go for now.

Days later Diana returned from the hospital. Dan was ecstatic, bringing home their new baby girl. Dan had decided and Diana agreed on Natalie. He had the video camera out and taped Diana getting out of the car and walking into the house, leaving Natalie in the car. "Diana!" He shouted and then swore under his breath. He had been hoping she was going to drop this act and actually acknowledge their daughter. He shut off the camera and carefully picked up Natalie, "I promise, she'll come around eventually." Dan whispered in her ear. Natalie cooed, causing a grin to cross Dan's face.

Diana kept up her act for months. One night, Natalie was in her room crying and Diana was ignoring her again. Diana was pretending to skim a newspaper that was two weeks old. Dan sighed and got up to rock Natalie back to sleep. He returned ten minutes later, the house now quiet. He gently sat next to Diana and put his hands on her shoulders. He looked her in the eyes, "Diana, you can't keep ignoring her."

"If I hold her I might hurt her. What if she dies, Dan?"

"The doctor's ensure she's perfectly healthy and she's already fourteen months old."

Diana diverted her gaze.

"Diana, he died. He's not here anymore and we both have to accept that because Natalie needs a mother."

"Dan I miss him, sometimes if I close my eyes and focus I can feel his presence."

"That's enough." Dan said sternly. "You have to let him go. You have a daughter and she needs you now."

"Dan I am not ready to let go."

"He's been dead over 4 years Diana."

Diana was quiet. She stared at their bedroom door, watching a little boy enter. He came and sat on the bed. "Mommy, I had a scary dream."

Diana wrapped her arms around him and pulled him close to her chest, laying her head on his.

"Mommy I had a dream where you forgot me and how I was real."

Diana glanced to make sure Dan wasn't paying attention. He was brushing his teeth, perfect. "Shhh," Diana soothed. "That will never happen." The boy nodded his small head up and down.

"Did you say something?" Dan asked, reentering their room.

"Just talking to myself."

Dan didn't push the subject further. He hopped into bed. "Di, don't stay up all night."

"I won't." Diana murmured.

Dan shut off the light.

A small whimper was heard. Diana looked down and saw the boy in her arms, looking terrified. Diana leaned over and turned the light back on. Dan's eyes shot open and he looked around confused. "Diana, what are you doing?"

"I couldn't see."

"That's the whole point of turning out the lights before you go to sleep."

"Do you mind if we leave them on tonight?"

Dan grumbled, "Sure." He rolled over, turning his back to the light, and pulled the pillow over his face.

The boy smiled up at his mother and she smiled back, assuring him everything was going to be alright.

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**A/n: Review? :D**


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